Distraction isn’t enough. When I want to distract myself, at the back of my mind there is a kind of supervisory function goes on which keeps gnawing away and won’t let me forget the thing I would rather put off. So deliberate distraction won’t do. But when I am at work and am torn between several things of equal importance that I want to get done, it is easy to forget one or two, in all honesty.
Are there lessons here? I think so.
Rather than thinking of distraction, which actually turns my attention on me, I look for interest and ask myself, ‘I wonder what I can find interesting about this person?’ and concentrate on investigating them, at some level. It is a bit like looking at a painting and being satisfied with whether I like it or not, or looking at it and wondering about the composition, technique, colours used, the artists use of colour, genre, the frame, the setting of the work in the room, the history of the work itself, the artist and her history. If I don't like it that doesn’t mean I can’t find something of interest in it.
When I have got to know people or paintings I have sometimes changed my first impressions, for better or worse, and I’m sure you have too.
Importantly, if I am think about someone asking me if I like a painting or need to justify my judgments about it then the investigation becomes focused on me not the painting, and I lose my calm.
There is a difference between worrying about not failing an exam and wanting the best mark I can get. Wanting not to be poor is different from wanting to be rich. Wanting not to look unfashionable is different from wanting to be dressed fashionably.
So we can travel in a different direction. Allowing ourselves to be distracted by what interests us is easy: so, rather than making it a chore, make other people the focus of your interest and attention. I like watching people: what shapes they are, how they are dressed, what they look as if they are doing, wondering what they do for a living, whether they are harassed, and how I might be totally wrong about my assessment of them, do they look scary and I wonder why I think that. One thing can lead to another and the light the picture is seen in changes.
When my attention is on me I get flustered. But I am flattered to have someone give me their whole attention.
These suggestions have to be acted on to explore and ultimately change habits through practice. Try them and see what happens.
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About Me
- PM
- I am a middle aged medic who is interested in Modelling Behaviour. I have 12 yrs experience and attend trainings regularly with John McWhirter at Sensory Systems Training in Glasgow, Scotland. I am interested in stammering and I am convinced that in the majority of cases it is a behaviour and not an affliction. Rather than lurk on other sites I decided to share my thinking on a blog.
2 comments:
Hi PM,
I like the idea of changing our direction from avoiding a negative to pursuing a positive.
I think you're suggesting that stutterers focus on wanting to communicate effectively instead of talking without stuttering. Is that right?
As a person who isn't 100% okay with the fact that I stutter yet, my immediate response to the idea of letting go of my "must talk without stuttering" perspective is "ooh, that's terrifying."
You had mentioned that when you're at work and "torn between several things of equal importance . . . it is easy to forget one or two."
I think the key is equal importance. Until in my mind "not stuttering" is of equal importance to "communicating effectively" it's going to be difficult for me to replace the former with the latter.
But, for what it's worth, it is what I'm trying to work towards.
Best wishes,
Sophie
Hi Sophie
I did start by saying that distraction isn't enough.
What we don't want to do becomes everything, as I mentioned in the first post. I wanted to say that trying to actively distract ourselves has limited benefits.
Being ok with stammering is better than not being ok, but the direction is still the same.
All the best
Peter
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