What is the problem?

Formulating any problem is really important to stop going off at a tangent and imposing 'solutions' which don't connect to the original problem.

Is getting the words out the core problem? Attempted advice - take time, breath deeply etc - you've been there - sticking plaster stuff and we do need sticking plasters at times! Gene stuff and pagoclone.

Is the presence of other people the problem? Different problem - values, standards, attitudes, beliefs, identity but all of these can be usefully updated.

What may have started as the first may have evolved into the second very quickly.

You may see them as connected but it is important to clarify the issues, and they are not the same: some therapies go for one some the other. To improve the cake we need to INVESTIGATE what is involved and can be changed in order to know what to change and then change it.

Know Thyself

The Spoonerism in the last post was accidental and I haven't seen one in print before.
Onward!

'Who am I?' is not a useful question to ask. What am I? How am I? Why am I? are more useful.
The answer to the first question is ' You are you'. The other take you into much more interesting territory.


When you think about other people what age do you feel and who, or what, are you measuring yourself against? A specific person: a type of person, an ideal?

Do you think other people notice you when you are in a public place and not particularly drawing attention to yourself?

Other people

We sALL peak one way when we are alone, another when we are with good friends and another when we are with strangers: why?

If we were to teach someone else HOW, ie in what way NOT why, we do what we do, and what is different, what would we need to tell them? What makes the difference?

I don't think.............

'I don't think I can do that'.
What does that mean?
Is it about what 'I think' or 'that'. These are two different objects of attention.
'I think I can't' vs 'I can't'
It is too easy to get lost in what 'I think' when things have changed, without our realising it, and we actually could do the behaviour we want to do.
I used to think that I couldn't sing because of name calling at school and I didn't try for years: but I wondered if I could NOW and found I can and I do - a few lessons helped.

Social Phobia follow-up

As a followup to the previous post: if you onto google and look up 'shyness Zimbardo' and you will get the inside track on the top academic chap on shyness: he of the famous torture and prison experiments, his book is a great read, and use the links to get some quality stuff. Also the links on the site in the post.

Also, the Dummies books on psychology are pretty good for advice. I have a couple and could recommend looking the series up on Amazon or your local book shop and finding what suits you.

Aso worth noting that shyness and panic attacks are two separate things but may coexist. Zimbardo has a shyness scale in his book.

Social Phobia

Good BBC program on Social Phobia.

What is it? Fear of what others will think of me. Recognise the situation?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/science/am_i_normal.shtml

Go to listen again box: should be available for the next week at least.