Phone

It is interesting how many people see the phone as a threat. Really the phone is just a tool, like a pen or screwdriver or handkerchief, but with the advantage that the other person can't see you or what condition you are in, eg unshaven, in pyjamas or wearing a rose in your hair!

Also, you are in charge of the conversation. The other person will have to wait for you to reply to questions or wait for you to tell them what you are calling about. And you can limit the conversation to the issues or anything else you want. You can go at your own speed just like in a car.

I don't stammer, but since I have deliberately taken the view that I will assume the other person is just like me, then the stress is less. ' I wonder if you can help me?' or 'What can I do for you, or what would you like?' life on the phone has been easier.
You may have noticed some people have a 'telephone voice'. showing they can be who they want to be and that is a useful tool. Try being the you that enjoys using the phone, it is just a role you play after all like the many other roles you play in life without thinking about them - write them out and you will be surprised at how many there are!!

I have noticed that people don't listen, because they are rushing ahead, and for the past few years I have talked a lot less and listened more, and if someone interrupts me I just stop , even in mid sentence on the phone or not. I let them have their say and then have the space to make a useful contribution to the conversation. I just wait for the space, that always comes, and that is fine by me. When they finally stop they have made the space to listen. I don't take interruptions personally: they are about the speaker not me. If I don't get my say then that is their loss. Also ' I would just like to say .............." is a helpful entry to a statement.

If the other person sounds aggressive then at least they are at a distance and I can keep aware of that distance during the call and keep them out there away from me.

Most people just want things better and have worked themselves up about an issue, or several, just like you have yourself eg about using the phone, because that is what we all do.
They may be exasperated and want to sound off so if you can just let them talk and ask questions till you have a plan, then you are managing yourself in the constantly changing situation, and that is what you do in the car.

Remember. unless this is a cold call the person wants something from you or will likely want to help you help them. So it is 'us together'

Also, if something isn't your fault don't take it personally. Ask for clarification and try to come up with a plan that will actually address the core problem, as best you can, and involve the other person in coming to a solution.

If you keep all of the above in mind you won't have the mental space to pay much attention to yourself as you will be thinking of the other person and their difficulties. If you do this I suspect you will stammer less and be able to get on more with
your life.

If you take the view that it is 'us-together' discussing something then it takes away from 'them and me' and is much more comfortable.

Try rehearsing in your mind's eye and ear and notice how changing your point of view changes how you approach the phone. Muscular changes or denial don't tend to work. Acknowledging shared values is a good way of keeping a perspective on other people ie they are not all bad. Keep the other person realistic but notice that if he is aggressive it is his emotion, and you don't have to take it on, but you can be quietly curious about it.
Mental rehearsal, where you change your thinking as a setup, is useful - back to the Dog Whisperer!!

Also, to look for, and acknowledge, small changes and improvements is really important.
Keep a journal and write it all down each night - get the habit. That way you can go back and see how today went compared to how things were going some time ago eg a year. Last week doesn't give enough perspective.