Standards

We operate out of our standards in almost everything we do: what we should do or be, what other people should do, what the world should be like.

We apply our standards in an ‘either / or’ way or in a ‘more or less way’ and some things may be one and some the other. Or we apply them as a mature adult or a young kid! And we do it unconsciously.

It is very useful to know what standards we are operating from and how we are using them. A good way to find out is to ask ourselves what makes us angry or uncomfortable.

If someone cuts me up on the motorway I can either get angry or move back to let him in and the judgment about the driver will depend on what standards of courtesy I apply to myself or expect from other road users. How I am feeling in general will affect my judgment too: sometimes I am easy with such behaviour sometimes very judgmental. When I start to judge other drivers negatively I ask myself what else is bothering me because often there is something that needs attention and this helps to shine the spotlight on it.

Rather than wanting a bad feeling to go away it is more useful to ask ourselves which of our standards are being violated and how. Use a notebook to grab the moment and reflect on it later.

If stammering is an expression of what is going on in us then looking at our standards is a useful way of finding out the unconscious judgments about ourselves and the world that provide a back story for the stammer i.e. our behaviour.

Some of the standards may be out of date and need reassessed and some are ok but being applied in a less than useful way.
Ask yourself would you want a young kid to grow up with the particular standard and if so how would you want him to apply the standard and when.

Think 'useful' rather than 'right or wrong'. Remember many of our standards are formed when we were 5 or 6 years old.